tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post7582900335405498873..comments2023-04-29T09:45:12.248-04:00Comments on Bear Swamp Reflections: How can I help him heal?Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comBlogger43125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-30098175566841731752011-12-27T00:55:28.756-05:002011-12-27T00:55:28.756-05:00I want to say something to make it better, but I k...I want to say something to make it better, but I know no words can do that. You and your son and his wife are in my thoughts. You have lost a precious little girl, hold on to those memories.Mollers Down Underhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06515517515041042345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-67589758340489975502011-10-12T19:57:11.120-04:002011-10-12T19:57:11.120-04:00Thinking of you often! xooxooThinking of you often! xooxooCorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11017358295216513868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-43721029889718074792011-10-06T19:10:08.109-04:002011-10-06T19:10:08.109-04:00Susan, I so wish I could say something that would ...Susan, I so wish I could say something that would help each one of you. I can't imagine the pain you must feel. I'm saying a prayer and sending healing thoughts your way.steviewrenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14233066158555762167noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-43470789036619516442011-10-03T10:07:58.694-04:002011-10-03T10:07:58.694-04:00I've been away for a while and have not visite...I've been away for a while and have not visited anyone. I saw your comment on my post this morning and jumped over here. <br /><br />I think of you often. Watching a child suffer is a mother's great pain. We feel so powerless to help our children at times. It's good that he can talk to you and let this anguish out, though it must be very painful for you to hear. I think of time passing for all of you - time that will create a buffer between you and this horrible time of your life.<br /><br />Keeping you in my heart.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-89926168710049754092011-10-02T20:52:44.026-04:002011-10-02T20:52:44.026-04:00My heart aches for all of you involved.My heart aches for all of you involved.Judyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10983782694330464508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-66622731721769331242011-10-01T16:21:40.310-04:002011-10-01T16:21:40.310-04:00There is nothing left for me to say that others ha...There is nothing left for me to say that others have not already stated so eloquently. Please just know that I think of you and your family every single day since the loss of Lauren. My heart aches for all of you.<br /><br />DianeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-28294657906887209052011-09-29T11:35:24.890-04:002011-09-29T11:35:24.890-04:00Susan: Public speaking terrifies me too but you&#...Susan: Public speaking terrifies me too but you'll get through it. I bet when you're on your feet, addressing the committee, advocacy group or large crowd, your passion will steady you and you'll articulate the facts as well as what is in your heart.California Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12582691517303132274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-86007179921229674002011-09-29T06:17:48.571-04:002011-09-29T06:17:48.571-04:00Jeanie, even though it is very difficult to watch ...<b>Jeanie</b>, even though it is very difficult to watch my son and hear his pain, I also think it's important for him to work through it like this. I would be much more worried about him, if he were keeping it all inside. I know the time will come when he will be able to talk about Lauren with a smile on his face, but it may be a long time from now. <br /><br />Thank you so much for your kind words...they will add to my healing.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-26823734044153964592011-09-29T06:13:04.934-04:002011-09-29T06:13:04.934-04:00Debbie (Cottage Girl), I hope you never, ever have...<b>Debbie (Cottage Girl)</b>, I hope you never, ever have to find out what this hell is like. I know that every time you think of me, you must imagine what it would be to lose one of your own precious little ones. Hold them dear, and spread the word.<br /><br />XOXOSusanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-14631325952863561632011-09-29T06:09:06.721-04:002011-09-29T06:09:06.721-04:00Linda, first of all, I'm so sorry for the loss...<b>Linda</b>, first of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear mother. Even before this happened, I had been out of touch in blog world, so I didn't know. Please accept my sincere condolences.<br /><br />Yes, it is gut-wrenching to watch my son put himself through this castigation repeatedly. Something Jaye said about the woman who caused the accident now owning Lauren's life made me think that, in his mind, he has to keep doing this to reclaim his daughter from her. That is he can find some fault with himself, he can do that. I don't know. He's getting angrier about it, so maybe that's a good thing...gives him somewhere else to focus.<br /><br />Unbelievably, Ohio is one of only 15 or 16 states that has not passed legislation to control the use of handheld devices while driving. Hopefully, they will get with the program soon. Both the House and the Senate are getting a lot of pressure from citizens to right this wrong.<br /><br />Thank you for your kindness.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-21934937903903651032011-09-29T05:57:13.440-04:002011-09-29T05:57:13.440-04:00Debbie (CG), I think I will be testifying at the O...<b>Debbie (CG)</b>, I think I will be testifying at the Ohio Senate hearings, on the texting ban bill that the House has already passed, that will be taking place in the weeks to come. After I contacted the Democratic co-sponsor (it's bi-partisan) of the bill, she put me in touch with the head of an advocacy group who has encouraged me to do this. I just have to clear it with our son's attorney about what I can and cannot say. The driver hasn't even been charged yet, so it may have to be in the more generic form of "distracted driving". <br /><br />The testimony and high school speaking may have to wait until the trial (or plea bargain) is over. I wouldn't want to jeopardize the case.<br /><br />Public speaking terrifies me.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-33039560740060322332011-09-28T22:07:39.624-04:002011-09-28T22:07:39.624-04:00Susan, my heart is filled with so very many prayer...Susan, my heart is filled with so very many prayers for you and for your son. I understand the guilt, and I trust that it will -- at least the rawest, most intense part -- will pass. It may take awhile, but it will pass. Sometimes it is important to talk, to be angry, before one can heal. The words others have said really do say it all -- let me only add that I send you hope. Hope for healing.Jeaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17482528482559445943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-86423265116754239342011-09-26T07:23:45.430-04:002011-09-26T07:23:45.430-04:00Can't imagine what you are going through, my g...Can't imagine what you are going through, my girl. Thoughts and more and more prayers ...CottageGirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07544266302604094446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-6239172803502272222011-09-25T20:20:57.764-04:002011-09-25T20:20:57.764-04:00There's nothing I can say that others haven...There's nothing I can say that others haven't said, more eloquently, more gracefully.<br /><br />When I first heard about the accident, my sorrow for you, my astonishment at the enormity of such a sudden and senseless loss was one thing. But seeing the photos here, feeling what it must have been like for your son and his daughter to be wrenched apart is that moment - it's almost more than I can bear.<br /><br />I understand your son's reaction in a way I wouldn't have, three months ago. Since my mother's death, I've gone through every detail of the months and days prior to her hospitalization, saying to myself: If only I had insisted on assisted living. If only I'd been more attentive. If only I'd come home earlier that day - perhaps she wouldn't have fallen. Everything from the choice of hospital to a decision to eat dinner before going back to the hospital her last night has been subject to the tyranny of The Great What-If. And I have no answer for that, except the support of others, and the passage of time.<br /><br />I can tell you this. The Texas Legislature - yes, <i>Texas</i>, for heaven's sake - passed a law banning cell phones in school zones. Period. It's only a step, but it's a step in the right direction. Enough steps taken in enough places, and perhaps all of us can have a hand in keeping such tragedies from happening.<br /><br />You are in my prayers.shoreacreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16284698314697628805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-37260239957886376032011-09-25T11:15:27.562-04:002011-09-25T11:15:27.562-04:00The high school talks are a great idea. I see it ...The high school talks are a great idea. I see it as not only educating kids who need it now but also as cathartic for you. I see more & more people drive erratically and they are almost always on a cell phone. Why we don't have a nation-wide law against it is beyond me.California Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12582691517303132274noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-65856364884818946852011-09-25T06:13:30.151-04:002011-09-25T06:13:30.151-04:00Stacy, there was a rally at the Statehouse last we...<b>Stacy</b>, there was a rally at the Statehouse last week, but I didn't find out about it until it was over. I found out that the House Bill 99 is actually the more strongly worded bill. It passed the House, but is languishing in the Senate. There's to be a hearing about it Wednesday.<br /><br />http://www.thenews-messenger.com/article/20110924/NEWS01/109240304/Rally-supports-possible-Ohio-texting-ban<br /><br />Thank you, my friend, for your continued support.<br /><br />XOXOSusanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-53971916236274203182011-09-25T06:07:21.190-04:002011-09-25T06:07:21.190-04:00Dearest Ruthie, what would I do without you to bri...Dearest <b>Ruthie</b>, what would I do without you to bring me clarity? I think I have been able to accept Lauren's death. I can't change what happened; I can only change my reaction to it. I want to make a difference in other people's lives. I'm working on a plan to talk to high school students. A friend with whom I met last week lost her son in a drunk driving accident, and she goes to area high schools to talk about the dangers. She coordinates with the state highway patrol. I think I could do the same thing. She wants me to do it. I think this has already changed a lot of people's behavior when they're behind the wheel. Maybe I could affect that change in young people. I want to make something positive out of Lauren's life and death. <br /><br />I plan to give Jaye a copy of the book, when I feel that he's ready to accept it. I don't think he's ready yet.<br /><br />Love you, my friend.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-21245614905660917442011-09-25T05:55:15.310-04:002011-09-25T05:55:15.310-04:00Deb, my new mantra is going to be "It won'...<b>Deb</b>, my new mantra is going to be "It won't bring her back." I just realized this morning that it may not be helping him to let him to continually repeat the litany of questions over and over. I think it has become something of a prayer, that if he keeps saying it, it will change the outcome. I'll let him talk as much as he wants, but I'm going to say every time that no matter how many times he says it, she isn't coming back, in a kind way, of course.<br /><br />This examining of facts that he does is something that he has always done. He did it with Joshua, too. It's the historian in him. He must know the truth, even if it destroys him. He said something Friday, though, that makes me think it wouldn't destroy him. He said that the worst thing about it is that this woman now owns Lauren's life. Maybe if he could find just a wee bit of fault of his own, he could reclaim that. I don't know, it's just a thought.<br /><br />XOXOSusanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-11235085266601742072011-09-25T05:44:04.659-04:002011-09-25T05:44:04.659-04:00Debbie (CG), he most definitely has PTSD, all thre...<b>Debbie (CG)</b>, he most definitely has PTSD, all three of them do. They jump at every loud noise, and Matthew is back to sleeping in his parents' bed, maybe as much for them as for him. They are seeing therapists, together and separately, also one for Matthew. They also have attended a meeting of Compassionate Friends, which they seemed to find helpful. At least Jaye knows that he isn't the only parent to have those feelings and think those thoughts. <br /><br />Remarkably, Matthew was able to finish his potty training through all of this, and he hasn't regressed at all. He is such a sunny little boy, and we go to their house as often as we do as much for him as for Jaye and Kelly. He has suffered a tremendous loss. He is attending pre-school three mornings a week, and that has helped him so much. He was so lonely. <br /><br />Thank you for all of your love and concern, dear friend.<br /><br />XOXOSusanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-1707300216735290622011-09-25T05:30:24.165-04:002011-09-25T05:30:24.165-04:00Barb, yes, it's that yearning for the outcome ...<b>Barb</b>, yes, it's that yearning for the outcome to somehow be different that keeps Jaye from healing. I think he believes that if he keeps saying these things over and over again that it will somehow change the outcome. I just hope that therapy will help him realize that it can never be. <br /><br />It's hard to believe such a vibrant little person could suddenly be gone. <br /><br />Thank you for thinking of us.<br /><br />XOXOSusanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-57491794798086045082011-09-25T05:20:49.508-04:002011-09-25T05:20:49.508-04:00Dear Sandy, I'm so fortunate to have friends l...Dear <b>Sandy</b>, I'm so fortunate to have friends like you, like all of you here, who care about me and my family, and I know they aren't just words on a screen. Thank you for sticking with me, even though I've been pretty much absent from blogging. I hope someday I will be able to be excited about it again. <br /><br />I know that justice will be served. I'm sure the driver is already living in the hell of her own making.<br /><br />XOXOSusanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-89395003994582993482011-09-25T05:06:36.934-04:002011-09-25T05:06:36.934-04:00Kathleen, every prayer helps in our healing...we w...<b>Kathleen</b>, every prayer helps in our healing...we will get there someday.<br /><br />XOXOSusanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-30957562568178016762011-09-25T05:04:41.643-04:002011-09-25T05:04:41.643-04:00Gail, thank you so much for your love and concern....<b>Gail</b>, thank you so much for your love and concern...virtual hugs are nearly as good as the real thing. Maybe someday we can give each other a real hug.<br /><br />XOXOSusanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-56031913029219887732011-09-25T04:57:31.671-04:002011-09-25T04:57:31.671-04:00Carol, thank you for keeping us there.<b>Carol</b>, thank you for keeping us there.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14201860227400017841noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4587634783902486718.post-52872877469272462852011-09-23T23:21:39.221-04:002011-09-23T23:21:39.221-04:00Susan, you've been in my thoughts and prayers ...Susan, you've been in my thoughts and prayers and you will stay there indefinitely. Thank you for the update. <br />It makes me angry to know that she was on her phone and I wish Ohio had a law on the books AT THE VERY LEAST. I'll be sending a letter to our State Senators too. <br />Just keep listening and hugging and crying - your son obviously needs you, even when your own heart is breaking. Sending love your way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com