Worst. Movie. Accents.

If it's Monday, it must be The Bumbles' Monday Movie Meme.  This week Molly is handing down sentences to the criminals of bad movie accents, particularly her home state's capitol/capital offenses, namely Boston. She invited us to give our take on accents you love to hate.

1.  Kevin Costner makes everyone's list for his atrocious, in-and-out British accent in 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves'. Where was the dialect coach for this film? Cringe factor:  5 stars, out of 5.

2.  James van der Beek, of Dawson's Creek fame, slaughtered the unique Texas accent when he starred in 'Varsity Blues'.  Cringe factor:  4 stars, out of 5.

3.  Mickey Rooney embarrassed himself and outraged every Japanese person living here, and abroad, when he attempted to sound legit as a Japanese neighbor of Holly Golightly's in 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'. Cringe factor:  4 stars, out of 5.

4.  Brad Pitt has attempted several foreign accents, but his tongue-in-cheek portrayal of a fake WWII Nazi officer in 'Inglourious Basterds' was hilarious. This is a case of when bad accents are good. Cringe factor: 5 stars, out of 5 (but in a good way).

5.  Nicole Kidman should stick to her usual non-descript American accents, because her southern accent in 'Cold Mountain' didn't quite make it. It was one of those all-purpose, one-size-fits-all, impossible-to-place dialects of the South that clueless actors seem to think will fit the bill. (Renee Zellwegger, on the other hand, got the Tennessee mountain accent perfectly.)  Cringe factor: 2 stars, out of 5.

6.  Dennis Quaid in 'The Big Easy'. Now, I loves me some hunky Dennis Quaid, even though he cheated on perky and sweet Meg Ryan and ruined her face by making her think she wasn't young enough anymore and causing her to get "duck lips", but whatever. I'm sorry, Dennis, but throwing a cher on the end of every sentence does not a N'awlins accent make. Nobody, and I mean nobody but a New Orleans native, nails that accent. It's a combination heavily influenced by French, of course, but also Spanish, German, Irish, West Indies, and Brooklyn. What? Brooklyn? The legend goes that when the yellow fever epidemic of 1796 wiped out almost all of the nuns in those parishes, nuns from Brooklyn and surrounding areas were imported to New Orleans to teach in the Catholic schools, thus adding to the unique flavor that is the New Orleans accent. If you haven't heard it first-hand, it's impossible to explain. You'll just have to go there.  Cringe factor: 4 stars, out of 5. (I'm being lenient since I think Dennis is really, really sexy.)

Addendum:  Sandy just informed me that it was the other way around with Dennis and the slut Meg...her with Russell Crowe. Geez, how did I forget about that? Well, as I said to Sandy, he was probably thinking about it...with me, of course. Meg just got around to it first. So that negates the whole reasoning for the "duck lips". Why, Meg, why did you do it?!!

Saturday Serenade

Margaret Whiting died on January 10 at the age of 86. Her rendition of 'Moonlight in Vermont' is one of my favorite songs of all time. Probably because I fell in love with Vermont the first time I visited that beautiful state.

Fresh Air's Terry Gross interviewed Ms. Whiting in 1988. You can read the interview in it's entirety here.  Or you can listen to the podcast in which she sings a few of her famous songs.



Comments are not required on this post...it is for your listening and learning pleasure only.

Dear Haji

I received this lovely message from my dear, dear friend Haji this morning. I thought you might enjoy reading it as well.

DEAR SIR / MADAM PLEASE READ. 

  

IT IS MY SINCERE PLEASURE AT THIS MOMENT TO EXHIBIT MY TOTAL TRUST BESTOWED ON YOU IN ACCORDANCE TO MY PROPOSED PARTNERSHIP RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU OF WHICH I AM FULLY CONVINCED THAT YOU WILL REALLY WELCOME MY PARTNERSHIP WITH YOU IN THIS TRANSACTION BEING VERY SCEPTICAL ABOUT DEALING WITH AFRICANS IN SUCH TRANSACTION, RANGING FROM THE HEIGHT OF FRAUDULENT ACTIVITIES ENCOMPASSING THE AFRICAN COMMUNITIES. NOW IT IS MY GODLY NURSED INTENTION TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU THAT I AM VERY MUCH DIFFERENT FROM OTHERS WHICH YOU MUST HAVE COME ACROSS. 

  

I HEREBY ATTESTED MY ACCEPTED CONCLUSION TO TAKE UPON MY GENTLE SELF AND TO JOIN HANDS TOGETHER TO COVER ANY UNFORESEEN EXPENSES THAT MAY BE INVOLVED HERE TILL THE FINAL TRANSFER OF THE FUNDS TO OUR CORRESPONDENT BANK BEFORE ITS FINAL REMITTANCE INTO YOUR NOMINATED BANK ACCOUNT. 

  

THIS IS TO CONVINCE YOU OF MY SPIRITED ACCEPTANCE TO HAVE YOU AS A CONFIDANT IN A BUSINESS OF THIS MAGNITUDE KNOWING THAT YOU WILL NOT TURN ME DOWN COME-WHAT-MAY, REGARDING THIS CLAIM/TRANSFER TO BOOST MY PLANNED ESTABLISHMENT OF A FUNDING COMPANY OUT OF AFRICA. IN OTHER WORDS, I WENT INTO A MORE CONCRETE ARRANGEMENT IN COURIERING TO YOUR DOORSTEP, A TOTAL OF US$10.5MILLION DOLLARS THROUGH INTER-BANK TRANSFER. THIS AMOUNT OF MONEY BELONGS TO OUR DECEASED CUSTOMER AS THERE WERE NO CLAIMS OVER THIS DORMANT BALANCE ACCOUNT FOR A PERIOD OF MANY YEARS.

THEREFORE, I AM IN NEED OF A RELIABLE PARTNER THAT WOULD COME FORWARD TO PUT CLAIMS OVER THE FUNDS FOR ITS TRANSFER INTO HIS/HER FOREIGN BANK ACCOUNT. THIS IS BECAUSE I AM THE DIRECTOR OF FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT OF MY BANK FOR SECURES TRANSFER OF THESE FUNDS WITHOUT ANY HINDRANCES. 

ALL I AM EXPECTING FROM YOU, AS A MATTER OF GREATEST URGENCY AND IMPORTANCE IS YOUR SINCERITY AND HONESTY AS I HAVE SOME OF THE NEEDED LEGAL DOCUMENTS TO PROVE THAT THIS BUSINESS IS LAWFUL FOR ITS ONWARD REMITTANCE.  I URGENTLY WANT YOU TO SEND ALL THE DEMANDED PERSONAL INFORMATION’S BELOW TO ME AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THIS PROPOSAL IN ORDER TO SHOW YOUR READINESS AND WILLINGNESS IN THIS PROPOSED BUSINESS.  

                     

                       BELOW ARE THE NEEDED PERSONAL INFORMATIONS

1) YOUR FULL NAME.......................... ...

2) YOUR AGE.......................................

3) YOUR MOBILE AND HOME PHONE NUMBER…………..

4) YOUR FAX NUMBER………………..... 

5) YOUR COUNTRY OF NATIONALITY………………..............

6) YOUR OCCUPATION.................... ........

7) SEX................................................

8) ALTERNATIVE E-MAIL ADDRESS /........................

FINALLY, YOU HAVE TO KEEP THIS PROPOSAL CONFIDENTIAL AND SECRET FROM YOUR RELATIONS, PARTNERS AND COLLEAGUES FOR OUR SUCCESS IN THIS TRANSACTION AS THE BASIS OF THIS BUSINESS IS SECRECY. I PROMISE YOU THAT I WOULD PROTECT YOUR PERSONAL INTEREST AS THIS BUSINESS IS 100% RISK-FREE.THEREFORE, I WANT YOU TO EXPRESS YOUR INTEREST TO ENGAGE IN THIS BUSINESS WITH ME BECAUSE YOUR SHARE IS 40% OF THE FUNDS IN QUESTION SO THAT I CAN SEND TO YOU THE TEXT OF APPLICATION WHICH YOU HAVE TO FILL AND SEND TO THE E-MAIL ADDRESS OF THE BANK. 

I LOOK FORWARD FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE POSITIVE RESPONSE.

  

MY REGARDS TO YOU AND THE FAMILY, 

HAJI AZIZS YUSUF

TELE 0022678430122

My dear Haji,

I am responding to your most earnest and pleasurable message in a manner most suited to your very interesting inquiry. I do not often have the bountiful fortune to receive such golden opportunities as I have not at this time been to your most lovely continent to acquire engaging friends such as yourself. I do hope the desert sands are not playing havoc with the keys of your computer, which would hamper our very soon business partnership and robbing me of the chance for depositing the awaiting funds totaling $10.5 million USD. What a useful partnership this will be for me and for you as well. 


Unfortunately, at this time, my bank account has been closed due to lack of funds. But I have a most reliable plan at my disposal. If you would please to send me a Visa debit card preloaded with $1,000 USD, I would then be allowed to reopen my languishing account and our business transaction could commence forthwith, with much pleasuring. Please keep this a secret from your many reliable business colleagues, because once they hear of this worthy plan, they too will be falling over themselves to send many Visa debit cards to me, come what may. My bank might then become suspicious of much recent activities going forth.


With your being director of a very trustworthy establishment, you will understand my godly nursed need for secrecy, and will not even whisper of it to your lovely wife, even in the throes of passion, which will surely follow such good news.


As you demanded, I will supply all the needed informations in a message to follow at a later time today. I understand the urgency with which this valuable informations is required, but first I must meet with my attorney to be sure I am not violating any pesky international banking laws. You will be most understanding of this maneuver, I am sure.


In closing, I would like to praise you on your grasp of the English language. Your lessons are coming along quite well and soon you will be able to enter any American establishment and make yourself well understood.  Please to give my utmost regards to your lovely wife and handsome children. 


Your newest partner,
Susan