Eva By Heart

By the time I discovered Eva Cassidy, she had already succumbed to cancer at the age of 33. She left behind a "heartbreaking work of staggering genius" in her diverse musical recordings, but few people know that she was an accomplished artist as well. You can see some of her work here. But music was her true love.

Eva's voice could be soft and tender when she was singing a ballad, or rough and throaty when she sang the blues. And lordy, could she sing the blues! Her version of Billie Holliday's "You've Changed" grabs you and won't let you go. And jazz...when she sings "Fever",  you'll forget you ever heard it by Peggy Lee. She recorded signature songs of other artists and made them her own. "Imagine" never sounded more hopeful, and although I love Sting's "Fields of Gold", when Eva sings the words, she transcends the original. Eva covered every music genre...jazz, blues, country, folk, gospel, pop standards...and did them all in a way that was uniquely hers.

What is truly tragic about Eva's story is the fact that all of her success came posthumously. She had a fairly large following in her native Washington, D.C. and surrounding areas where she played the blues clubs and small venues, but she never enjoyed worldwide fame and fortune. She would have been so happy to know that some of the great singers and songwriters whose music she loved and performed would come to love and respect her work in return.

It was said that Eva was never able to get a major recording contract because her music couldn't be categorized and pigeonholed. Her choices in music were too varied. To me that just shows that she had a love and understanding of all music, not just one genre.

Many people who know Eva's music choose "Over the Rainbow" as their favorite Eva Cassidy song. It is a hauntingly beautiful rendition, there's no doubt, but this is my favorite, for a personal reason:




This song was sung for Joshua on May 6, 2006, by his dad's cousin Mark, in his beautiful tenor voice.

The quoted text is from author Dave Eggers.

Son Shadows

I am not a small woman

feeling at times Amazon-ish

among other women.

My two sons made me feel,

when beside them,

petite and somehow more feminine.

The older one intelligent

and burning with the thirst for knowledge,

sensitive and quiet,

giving warm, enveloping embraces.

The younger one burning,

just burning,

feeling too deeply,

in your face making you be honest with yourself.

Nothing too scary, too fast

or too insurmountable,

except for life.

The older one's shadow

still giant-like

beside my lesser one.

The younger one's shadow

is a ghost

I chase in my dreams.

~~Susan~~

Thirty

Joshua's second birthday.

 

And his twenty-sixth.

 

He was a writer, an artist, a musician, a philosopher and a dreamer of big things. There are times when I pick up the phone just to imagine hearing his deep voice saying, "Hey, Mom!". I can still hear the way it sounded in my head. I hope I never forget.

Sometimes I open the spare closet and unwrap the few pieces of clothing that I kept. I try to capture his essence, but it no longer clings to the fibers of his favorite shirts. At first, they still smelled like him and I would wrap one of them around me, hoping to feel his arms giving me a fierce hug. He was so thin, but so strong. I would tease him and say, "Are you trying to break me in two?". It was nothing compared to a broken heart.

How does one let go of a child forever?

 

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light
~Edna St. Vincent Millay~

 

The grief we carry....is exactly the weight of a sleeping child.
~Anne Michaels~

 

Dear friends, as difficult as it has been to write this post, it has been even harder to pretend that our son never existed. I solicit only your understanding, so please, no comments.

New Kid on the Block

Matthew Tyler made his appearance in this old world at 10:01 this morning. Mommy's C-section went smoothly and both she and the baby are doing very well. He was quite a big boy at 9 lbs., 12 oz. and a very long 22 inches. He has large feet and hands just like Daddy! Great-great Grandma Hinkle always used to say they need a good foundation to stand on, so I think he is fulfilling that requirement well. Here's a look at his hand as he waves.



Matthew is named for his dad's middle name and his Uncle Joshua Tyler who we lost two years ago in May. Jaye and Kelly were trying to come up with an M name, because they wanted to keep the alphabetical sequence of their first initials: Jaye, Kelly, Lauren. We sat one Sunday afternoon and went through all the M names in the baby naming book and they couldn't agree on any of them. So I said well what about Matthew? At first they were reluctant, because they didn't want it shortened to Matt. Take that as a warning, family and friends! But lacking anything else that they could agree on, they decided to go ahead with it. Aimee, our daughter and Jaye's sister, suggested Tyler as a tribute to their brother, and so Matthew Tyler it is. I think it's a fine name and very classy for a beautiful little boy.