It all started with the dishwasher

For someone who grew up in the stone ages (nearly), I've had a lot of computer learning to do lately.

CHAPTER ONE

Back in September, 2010, my dishwasher started making a funny noise. A kind of groaning that made it sound as if it were in pain. I actually made an appointment at the time for a local repairman to come and look at it, but he didn't make it in time for me to pick up the grandkids from school, so I had to cancel. What with one thing and then another, I never got around to calling him again.

On Thanksgiving Day, with the dishwasher loaded to the gills with dirty dishes and silverware (thank goodness I decided to use paper plates for the very first time), it gave one last terrible groan when I turned it on, and died a horrible death. Everything that been carefully loaded had to be unloaded and washed and dried by hand, including all the stuff that didn't fit into it in the first place. I have to admit there was some brief cursing, and then tears. The next day, while everyone else was out braving Black Friday sales, I was at Kroger getting more paper plates and plastic utensils. Thank goodness there were no more big meals to prepare. We mainly ate leftovers.

After calling my handy repairman for a telephone conference regarding whether it would be practical to repair, he gave me the bad news. The cost of repairs would be approximately 1/3-1/2 the cost of a new machine. It wasn't a difficult decision to make. So, on Monday morning off I went to Home Depot to scope out a new dishwasher. David had told me (after nearly killing himself installing the dead dishwasher years ago) that he didn't care how much it cost for installation, but I lucked out; they had a special on appliance installation...only $49. Caught a break there! Choosing one wasn't too difficult. I went with a mid-level LG, computerized (what isn't these days), white to match the rest of my appliances.

When they pulled it up on the computer, it turned out there was a back-order time of three weeks. Okay, not too bad. With just David and me here, I could handle washing dishes for a few weeks, and it would be delivered two days before Christmas Eve...just in time for the Next Big Holiday. Two days before set delivery time, I received a phone call from LG explaining that it would not be delivered until January 18. It seems there was a shortage of Energy Star appliances due to the end-of-the-year rush to buy them before the Home Energy Tax Credit expired.

The only good thing I can say about washing dishes by hand is it makes arthritis feel better for a little while, but that benefit is offset slightly by the dishpan hands. Boy, am I spoiled.

The dishwasher was finally installed as promised. The computer is a little finicky. We have a well and sometimes our water pressure is a little low, so it reads as a "water leakage problem", or E1, on the computer panel readout. I just have to wait a few minutes for the water pressure to build back up and then restart it.  Oh, and it plays a little electronic tune at the end of the cycle to let me know when it's done. Isn't that sweet?

CHAPTER TWO

For Christmas, David and I decided to buy a new computer as our old desktop was on its last legs, and slower than smoke in January. We had been wanting a laptop for quite a while, so we can take it with us when we start the retirement travel in the new "home on wheels".  Everyone we know who has a MacBook raves about them, so we took the leap (they had a $200 instant rebate, because of the brand-new Air) and bought a MacBook Pro with the reassurance from the sales person and everyone who owns one that there is barely a learning curve. "It's so easy. You won't have any problems getting used to it." Well, maybe if you have a four-year degree in computer science. The damn thing didn't even come with a manual. 

Thank goodness David is savvy in computer ways and set up the Wi-Fi converter and configured everything, or I would still be typing this on the old s l o w computer. I finally downloaded a copy of the tutorial to my documents, and figured out a few things on my own or by Googling, but there is still a lot to learn. I did have to get an external "wee little mousie" though. The different pressure of pressing and clicking on the internal one was killing the carpal tunnel in my right hand/arm. Now if I could just figure out how to get all those cool fonts and thingamajigs that come with Mac and iWorks into my blog posts, I would be all set. Well, I can, but only Mac users can see them. And there's no Mac version of Photoscape, although Picasa now has Piknik editing, which, if I would cough up the extra dough and buy the upgrades, is probably as good. Or if I would bite the bullet and purchase Photoshop. Can't afford it after buying the Mac. I've always liked going FAST, so I am more than thrilled with the speed of this baby.

CHAPTER THREE

My sewing machine, a Kenmore that David bought for me as a Christmas gift, is 35 years old. It has been a steady rock and has made countless items of clothing, home decor, crafty gifts, etc. My trusty sewing machine repairman/clock maker in Pittsburgh told me I should never get rid of it, but if I decided to do that, to please let him know first. It has all steel parts and they don't make them like that anymore. It isn't fancy, even though it was considered so at the time we bought it. About sixteen years ago, I added a  serger machine as a companion. If you don't know about sergers, they are wonderful machines that overcast and cut the seam allowance to a professionally finished edge, all in one motion. The only drawback to them is the threading, which can be a real bitch. You have the upper looper, the lower looper, the right needle and the left needle. 

A couple of weeks ago, when I started making the shopping bags, everything was going along smoothly,  after having made two of them. All of sudden, my machine started acting crazy and I was ripping out more seams than I was putting in. There was some cursing, but no tears. I had to go to Dublin anyway, so I decided to go to Jo-Ann Fabrics to use a couple of coupons burning a hole in my pocket, and to get more fabric to make more shopping bags, even though I was frustrated with my machine. I happened to walk by the sewing machine department and the kindly, sweet sales lady lured me in with her damned sweet talk. This is what I bought. 

The Husqevarna Viking Emerald 183. It is totally computerized (of course) and makes 80+ fancy stitches and makes professional-looking buttonholes, and all I have to do is touch a couple of buttons. Okey-dokey. It's complicated enough that one needs a class, which doesn't start until May. So, I'm on my own until then. The machine is completely foreign to me, from threading the needle to winding the bobbin and everything in-between. It has a speed governor on it (you know, because apparently it knows I like to go FAST), which confounds me to no end. It starts out  s  l  o  w  and then a little faster until it reaches full speed. By the time that happens, I'm at the end of the seam. I'm sure once I learn to use it, I will love it as much as my old one. But, I saved the box, because the jury is still out. 

CHAPTER FOUR

When I'm sewing I keep my ironing board and iron nearby, as all good seamstresses do, because pressing before and after you sew is half the battle. Well, I was pressing away when, suddenly, my 15-year-old Rowenta steam iron jumped from my hand and landed just the right way as to smash the whole back-end, which conveniently covers up all the iron inner workings. I still had some immediate pressing to do, so I duct-taped that sucker back together to finish what I was doing. So, on my next trip to Dublin (see above), after doing mega-research with Mr. Google, I decided to stick with the same brand, but one that is especially good for sewing, because it has a pointy end. It isn't computerized, thank goodness, but there is a learning curve attached to it.  I got it on sale at Macy's, plus I had a discount of 10%.  The steam it puts out would supply a two-person sauna, and I have to be careful not to steam the ends off my fingers when I'm pressing a seam with it. It also reminds me of lifting an anvil every time I pick it up, but, by golly, it gets rid of the wrinkles lickety-split.  Just in time to iron the twenty shirts that have been piling up in the laundry room.

CHAPTER FIVE

KERPLUNK!  SPLASH!  Those are two sounds you don't want to hear when you are pulling up your pants in the powder room. I know that because I have heard them more than once. That made the third cell phone that I have drowned. Though the dunkings have been brief, it has been enough to scramble the inner workings of those necessary gadgets. One previous time, I was able to dry out my phone by taking everything apart and putting it in the toaster oven on the lowest setting for a little while, but it was a very simple one compared to my touch-screen. 

So, off I headed to Verizon, thinking, "Now I can get the iPhone!" On arrival, I was informed that the waiting list was about a month long. I had plans to go out of town the next day for the weekend and didn't want to be traveling without my lifeline, so I agreed to give the LG Vortex a try...an Android...a Smartphone. Well, trying to learn its quirks, its ins and outs, its ups and downs, made me feel like a Dumb Robot. I could no longer type a text easily. I was used to the QWERTY slide-out keyboard, and I was getting pretty fast. The Vortex has a QWERTY, but it's all on the screen, and it is extremely sensitive. My daughter was cracking up every time she received a text from me. They were barely decipherable. And I thought the MacBook was difficult!

It has so many apps that I was just a "ball of confusion", and, of course, when you're standing in front of the nice young salesman who is explaining five hundred different "wonderful things you can do with your new Vortex", it all sounds so simple. Not. I had 14 days to return it for a different phone, and I nearly did about a hundred times. But each day I learned how to do something new with it. My fingers got a little less clumsy on the screen. I found out I can play Lexulous (think Scrabble) with my friends when I don't have a computer. It takes pretty good pictures and I can actually upload them directly to Facebook, which I couldn't do with my other phone. I can get Google GPS and give it voice commands for directions, and it will steer me around any accidents or traffic jams. All in all, it's a pretty jammin' phone. My sister Judy says when she goes into a store to buy a new cell phone or a new computer, she always tells the salesperson to give her the most complicated one they have. She says it keeps her brain from getting mushy. I think she's right. I can feel my brain getting firmer every day.

Postscript:  The old phone actually survived after about a week of drying out, but don't tell David. It's the one he's going to get when he retires in November and he loses his company phone. Ssshhh.